On March 10th, at the 17th Asian Film Awards, Jiang Qinqin was crowned Best Actress.
On stage, she tearfully made a statement that electrified the audience: “Before loving cinema, please love life first. And before loving life, please love people. I love my husband, Chen Jianbin.” Below the stage, Chen Jianbin stood up excitedly and blew her a kiss. This moment made the fans of “Empresses in The Palace” boil with excitement once again. Everyone joined in the fun: “Why don’t you call me Si Lang anymore?” “This expression has finally found its true purpose.”
In the end, they reflected—Pure Yuan won in the end after all! “Empresses in The Palace” has been popular for a decade, and Si Lang has been made into a joke. “Si Lang wearing a green hat” and “Si Lang singing” have been turned into a series, constantly updated. But one thing fans agree on: if someone had to play Pure Yuan, it could only be Jiang Qinqin. The fans’ insight is even sharper than Zheng Xiaolong’s. Now looking at this, isn’t it just like a chubby orange cat gazing at the moonlight?
Jiang Qinqin and Chen Jianbin have been married for 18 years. They fell in love while filming “Qiao’s Grand Courtyard” in 2004. Many people did not look favorably upon Chen Jianbin. After all, Jiang Qinqin is recognized as the number one beauty in period dramas, with a classic beauty that is unrivaled.
As for Chen Jianbin, he’s not very good-looking and is famously bad-tempered. But their relationship has been stable, with few controversies. Their marriage came under public scrutiny again in 2018 when they participated in the reality show “Happiness Trio.” Jiang Qinqin, pregnant with their second child, was driven to tears by Chen Jianbin, touching the hearts of all middle-aged married women—Chen Jianbin’s behavior was just like that of the useless partner we have at home. After dinner, when Jiang Qinqin asked him to wash the dishes, he said he didn’t want to. When asked when he would do them, he replied he didn’t know, only that he didn’t want to do them right now and would wait until he felt like it. Then he played with his phone and hummed a tune, leaving Jiang Qinqin, visibly pregnant, to clean up the kitchen by herself.
Chen Jianbin naturally played out the laziness deep in a man’s bones. Meanwhile, next door, Wang Xiaofei efficiently mopped the floor and even took the time to massage Barbie Hsu’s legs, serving as a model husband. Comparing the two, it sparked widespread sympathy for Jiang Qinqin: “With your attitude, you married a fairy, and you still let her do the work?”
Who would have thought? In just a few years, Wang Xiaofei, the wife-pampering fanatic known for mopping the floor and massaging legs, has sparked endless divorce battles filled with bitterness. Meanwhile, Chen Jianbin, known for his laziness and disinterest in worldly matters, received a public declaration of love from his award-winning actress wife in front of millions, who lavishly thanked him: “Thank you for constantly praising me, encouraging me, and helping me persevere.” It’s truly poignant. Setting aside their actor personas, I feel Chen Jianbin represents the most common type of man in life: inherently lazy, avoiding work if possible, and stubborn, insisting on his own way, impervious to advice or persuasion.
Anyone who has been married knows, just this behavior alone is enough for a wife to handle. Jiang Qinqin being driven to tears is not an act of being overly sensitive or for show. I’ve seen such unyielding men on buses, infuriating their wives to public outbursts while they remain as unbothered as ever. My impression of Chen Jianbin comes from his 2002 performance with Xu Fan in “Ten Years of Marriage.” He was not yet well-known at that time, but his role seemed to come naturally to him. Arrogant and underachieving, he took his good wife for granted. Once his career saw a slight improvement, he couldn’t resist the temptation of the neighbor’s daughter and had an affair. Well, the average level of Chinese men hasn’t changed in twenty years, just like Si Lang’s forehead lines, it remains the same.
Jiang Qinqin, after marriage and having children, visibly aged in these years. Especially after her second child, she was once mocked for “aging ten years.” Jiang Qinqin seems to prove that even a heavenly beauty, if she bears children and does housework herself, cannot avoid aging. But Jiang Qinqin’s aging, in my view, is only relative to those female celebrities who seem to “rejuvenate” effortlessly. She has always maintained a natural appearance. Though there are signs of aging, at least her face isn’t swollen or stiff. Whether or not she used “technology and hard work,” she looks naturally comfortable, which is rare these days. Looking back at her youthful beauty, it’s indeed poignant.
But I understand, she’s the kind of woman willing to “live life.” After having two children and enduring a lull in her career, she, like any ordinary woman, has been tempered by the trivialities of marriage. Many fans are still unsettled, unable to comprehend why someone as beautiful as Jiang Qinqin would choose the vexing institution of marriage.
I was reminded of a public focus in January this year: after the death of Xu Xiaohong, a scholar from the University of Michigan, his wife Dr. Chen Lang wrote in a memorial that marriage is both heart-wrenching and cruel: “How can marrying someone you love be happy? You both want the same thing, but someone has to take care of the children, file taxes, manage finances, cook. Thus, it becomes a zero-sum game.”
“I don’t know how many women scream in agony inside when their outstanding partners are at the peak of their success. And how many women have ultimately convinced themselves with ‘love,’ negating and forgetting the screams in their hearts, remaining silent.” You see, whether they are highly educated women from Harvard or Yale or stunningly beautiful female stars, entering the realm of marital life brings unsolvable hardships and helplessness.
I deeply understand why many women long for and need to enter into marriage. Not everyone wants to live a life of “sole beauty.” Being alone has its costs. They yearn for intimacy, relationships, and deep connections, even if these connections come with pain, even if these relationships bring bitterness. For some, having is better than not having. And from a psychological counseling perspective, I’d like to add: marriage satisfies the psychological need for “projection.”
We need to project some things deep within ourselves, some potential things that we may not even be aware of. Whether you think he is good, bad, or has various faults and problems, it’s essentially about projecting things from within yourself. To project, there must be a target, an object that can be projected onto. Without it, you cannot project. Projecting may lead to collisions and conflicts. If you can’t project, you can only bear it yourself. Either way, it’s difficult and not easy.
I believe Jiang Qinqin, who can say “I love Chen Jianbin,” is happy. I also believe those who have been through thick and thin in marriage and still hold gratitude towards their partner are happy. I remember in an earlier interview, Jiang Qinqin said she initially disliked Chen Jianbin during the filming of “Qiao’s Grand Courtyard” because he always arrogantly changed the script and the words, and he was stubborn. But later, she gradually came to appreciate his seriousness. See, every trait has two sides. What attracts you may also bind you, what repels you may also make you. This process is not easy; it requires crossing chasms and abysses.
